| It's my brother's birthday... |
[04 May 2004|08:43am] |
Because you've never stopped chasing your dreams.
Because at some point, you actually did learn to dance.
Because you love your family so much.
Because you've made us part of your family.
Because you hate singing solos, but you'll do it for us anyway.
Because the Bass Ass truly is a thing of beauty.
Because you're a fantastic godfather.
Because I met you as a kid, and I've watched you grow into this amazing man.
Because even when I can't believe in myself, you still believe in me.
Because you really might take over the world some day!
Because even when your dreams crash to the ground, you pick yourself up and start again.
Because you just might be the bravest person I've ever met.
Because we weren't right until we found you.
Because I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I never even want to try.
For all these reasons, and a million more...
Happy Birthday, Lance. I love you.
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[14 Apr 2004|09:24am] |
So apparently you tell a few people at a small show that you've been in a "funk," and the next thing you know, it's all over the freaking internet. Man, gotta love fans.
No, you really do gotta love 'em. Because they dragged their asses down to fucking TEXAS to see my jam, and they were supportive as hell, and really, it was a kickass time. I forgot how much I love getting up and performing in front of people. Not that Ron -- who's the one who hears most of my stuff first -- isn't "people," (because! people!) but you know. Sometimes it's nice to sing when you're NOT naked!
In further evidence of my relationship-induced insanity, I've started running. Yeah, like jogging, but faster? Running. I was always in agreement with the movie quote "I only run when I'm being chased," but you know, gotta try and keep up with the hot boyfriend. It actually isn't that bad, rumor has it that's the big endorphin rush. Or something.
The guys are all over the place. Joey has apparently become a runway model, Lance sometimes shows up to keep him company, JC is... well, I'm not sure where JC is. Europe, maybe? I know he's gonna be opening for Miss Brit, which is totally worth MONTHS of jokes at his expense. Oh, and J is off being actor-guy up with the Canuks. Seems like everyone's doing well, but I do miss 'em all. Yeah, even Lance.
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| I am a bad friend |
[18 Mar 2004|10:30am] |
So Ron and I were supposed to fly up to NYC for JC's album release party (note to JC: Generally you have a release party somewhere around the actual date that your album is, you know, released), but our flights got all screwed up because of the snow up north, and after the third delay I was convinced that any plane we got on was going to CRASH, and was a complete basket case. So Ron made an executive decision that for the safety of all the other folks on whatever plane we ended up on that I should not be flying, and dragged me home to make me calm down.
On the plus side, Ron has really great ways of making me, um, calm. Or at least relaxed.
So, my heartfelt apologies, C, and I owe you a lot of drinks the next time I see. Glad that Lance and Joey made it up, I know they gave you lots of love. Lance probably more than Joe.
I've got a thing going on down in Texas, of all places, next month. Showin' off some solo stuff. Nervous as hell, but kind of excited, too. Nothin' on the scale of J or C, but my stuff, my way. Should be good times.
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| Of Male Bonding and Blood Play! |
[26 Feb 2004|10:45am] |
Okay, probably not as dramatic as all that.
We get invited to some weird shit, but sometimes, we get invited to cool shit. Anyway, Joey and Lance and I went to the opening of the ritzy new tattoo joint at The Palms in Vegas. Cool time, good friends, new ink. Who can ask for more?
JC, needless to say, was more than happy to stay FAR AWAY from this kind of event. He's off having the sniffles and doing album promo anyway, but it would have been nice to see him. Ron and I are thinking about making the jump out to LA, since we're out here anyway, and doing the visit thing with Lance and JC, and hopefully tracking down J, too. Been too long since the five of us were together.
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| We always knew he was a crazy kid... |
[23 Feb 2004|10:58pm] |
Schizophrenic indeed.
For those of you who have been living in a hole, the bendiest member of *NSYNC is releasing a solo album tomorrow (actually, in a little over an hour now).
Hey, you! And you! And especially YOU! Go buy it! In fact, buy two! Buy another one for your mom (or, well, maybe not, come to think of some of those lyrics).
Congrats, C. It's a brilliant album, and you should be damn proud of yourself. We certainly are.
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[09 Feb 2004|11:18am] |
Congratulations to my best friend, once and future bandmate, and surrogate little brother for winning TWO GRAMMYS!
Whooo hoooo! Go Justin!
Kid, I'm so proud of you I could bust. Sorry I couldn't be there last night, but I know C done good representing the family.
Love you, J.
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| It's my brother's birthday |
[31 Jan 2004|01:14am] |
Because you grew up in a business that can turn people into monsters, and became one of the strongest men I've ever known.
Because you work hard, but you know how to play hard, too.
Because you go from success to success, but never take it for granted.
Because you're the most "urban" white man I know, yo.
Because I knew you as a child, and I've watched you become a man.
Because you'll never get too old to act like a kid with me.
Because I called you first, and that's how it all began.
Because your hatred for your hair will always keep you down to earth.
Because no matter how high you fly, you'll never forget the people you started with at the bottom.
Because we once spent two days on the bus writing a list called "1000 Ways to Drive JC Nuts," and then spent the rest of the tour crossing off each one as we did it.
Because you never stop working for what you want, and because you deserve it so much when you get it.
Because if I'd ever had a little brother, I'd be proud as hell if he turned out like you.
Because I know you'd give me your favorite pair of Air Jordans in a heartbeat.
Because you're gonna win a Grammy, kid.
Because you'll always be my best friend.
Because I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I never even want to try.
For all these reasons, and a million more...
Happy Birthday, Justin. I love you.
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| It's my brother's birthday |
[28 Jan 2004|11:08am] |
Because your smile can light up a room.
Because you don't know how to hold any part of yourself back when you love someone.
Because you're an amazing father.
Because no matter how bad it got, you could always make us smile.
Because your hair has been a million different colors, and every one looked hot.
Because your picture should be in the dictionary next to the words "great friend."
Because you're warm and cuddly.
Because, to our great surprise, you really CAN act!
Because you've got the most beautiful voice, but you never complained when the solos were handed out.
Because you don't know how to say no when a friend needs you.
Because you make the best lasagna in the world.
Because you made it to Broadway, baby, and you made the naysayers eat their words.
Because we loved each other in every way two people can love each other, once.
Because in all the ways that are most important, we always will.
Because I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I never even want to try.
For all these reasons, and a million more...
Happy Birthday, Joe. I love you.
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| Another one bites the dust... |
[31 Dec 2003|12:32pm] |
Another year, that is. More partying tonight, with at least a few of my bandmates. JC showed up on my door in Miami a couple nights ago, demanding that I take him to a good party. Lance got stuck in LA in negotiations about talk shows or something, but he's flying in tonight to ring in the New Year with his husband. I expect we'll be able to drag Joe out for some good times, too.
Trying to remember where my head was this time last year. Bobbie and I were considering trying again. I was trying to convince Joey to try again.
Amazing what time and a good road trip can do for you.
It's been a good year, over all. There were ups and downs, and there are people that I've lost touch with that I miss, but overall, there was a lot of good.
There's Ron, and he's so much good I can barely stand it. I don't know why he puts up with me, but I'm glad every day that he does. I don't know what I'd do without him.
There's Joey, and we may never be in love again, but I know that we'll always be friends, that I can always count on him when I need him. I hope he knows he can always count on me. We got our friendship back this year, and I missed it more than I could ever say.
There's Justin, who sometimes got a little big for his britches, but never forgot what was really important. I didn't think Justin could ever become a bigger star than he already was, but he did this year, and no one deserves it more.
There's Lance and JC, who found their way back to each other this year, and know better now than to ever let go. They're my proof that true love really does win out, sometimes.
There's Mom, who will never forget to remind me that no matter how much money I have, my middle name is still "dickhead", and who would fight to the death with anyone else who ever tried to trash talk me. And the girls, who would love me if I didn't have a dime, but who'll never have to worry about where their next meal is coming from. I always said I'd take care of my family, and I always will.
And there's friends too many to name, but you know who you are, and you've all made this year brighter for me. Thank you all.
For the New Year... ah, who knows? More love and friendship, more fame and stardom and success for the people who deserve it and work their asses off (and keep getting their damn drop dates pushed back by the fucking label), and maybe the chance to be one of five again, for at least a little while.
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[15 Dec 2003|12:41am] |
Well, my secret is out. I'm a political activist! Or something.
Went to the Florida Democratic Convention to show my support for John Kerry, thereby disproving the theory that everyone with millions of dollars is, in fact, a Republican. Not to get all "Rock The Vote" on everyone, but this upcoming election is pretty damn important, and everyone should at least be paying attention to it.
As a side benefit, my boyfriend seems to find political activism hot. Lucky me!
J's still off jaunting about Europe, but the boy got nominated for FIVE Grammys. Go J! So fucking proud. Lance bought a big ass house, and has developed the rather disturbing habit of appear in public with his dog as his most constant companion. I'm trying to figure out if this is a coming out strategy -- "No, no, I'm not into bestiality -- I'm JUST GAY!" C is bopping around doing club shows and stuff, and I should really try to catch one of those before he's done, huh? And despite the fact that we live in the same town, still haven't caught up with Joey lately.
Not sure if the group of us are going to try and get together to do a holiday thing. Guess we'll see!
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[04 Dec 2003|01:32am] |
According to VH1, Justin Timberlake's net worth is approximately forty-six million dollars.
Yeah, you are SO buying dinner the next time we go out, dude.
Keepin' my fingers crossed for you tomorrow mornin', kid. Good luck!
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| State of the Union |
[24 Nov 2003|09:04pm] |
So, things here are pretty quiet and hiatusy. I wonder at what point you stop thinking of yourself as "on hiatus", and instead just realize you're living your life. *NYSNC has been my life for so long that it's automatic to think of non-*NSYNC time as being outside of my "real life". But it's been almost a year and a half since we were *NSYNC on a daily basis, and that's a long time to put "real life" on hold.
And I wonder about that sometimes. What it's gonna be like when it really is done, when it's not "on hiatus" but "retired", when we stop saying that we're gonna go back into the studio, when we stop saying there's gonna be another album and maybe another tour. We're not there yet, but someday we will be. Maybe after this next album, who knows?
And I wonder what it'll be like for the five of us, who said we were closer than brothers, but now seem to have become some sort of dysfunctional family. The love is still there, it's always there, but we've got JC and Lance on one coast, and me and Joe in the same town yet we never see each other, and Justin runnin' his fool ass all over the world. And I miss them, I miss all of them, and I'm sometimes afraid that we rely too much on that love, that we let ourselves get lazy about staying in touch when we don't see each other every day because we're know that it's always there.
So, my early New Years resolution is to try harder. I snuck over to see Joey's show this weekend, and boy did he tear up the place as Danny Zuko. We're gonna try and get together one of these nights. And Ron and I are headin' out to LA before Christmas, to catch up with Lance and JC. JC and I still have some fence mending to do, and hopefully Justin will be home by then, too.
Things with Ron are, well, outstanding. We're just kinda insanely happy, and if we lived in MA it's possible we'd be doing something ridiculous like picking out china patterns together. He grounds me, settles me, but also lifts me up higher than the clouds. And, clearly, makes me sound like a pathetic, sappy moron. And I love that about him.
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| Happy Birthday to Me! |
[19 Oct 2003|11:23pm] |
So, still in Jamaica, still partying my ass off. Man, it's been great times.
Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! Still trying to catch up and thank everyone, so if I missed you, blame it on my drunken state, and know that I appreciate the good wishes so much.
Being away with Lance and Joey has just been fucking amazing. Wish we coulda gotten the two solo artists here, but scheduling for five is tough these days. The three of us have partied extra hard to make up for their absence, and it's just been great to feel us reconnect. Almost makes me long for touring, when we're living in each others laps 24/7.
I think Ron's enjoying himself, too, though sometimes it's pretty hard to know what's going on in his head. He's been laying low and avoiding the cameras, especially since one of Lance's assistants got photographed with him and is apparently being touted all over the 'net as his BOYFRIEND (bet JC loves that!). But it's great that he's here to share it all, too.
Been an fanfuckingtastic birthday. Totally makes turning older than dirt worth it!
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| JC is a nasty, dirty boy |
[14 Oct 2003|12:15pm] |
Which is part of what makes having sex with him so much fun, by the way.
But a huge shout out to the man for tearing things up on MTV yesterday. Hopefully the teenies didn't break anything when they all fainted dead away from the hotness of the show.
Been quite the few days for my guys, what with JRT on SNL and JC on MTV. Lance is out whoring himself on Hollywood Squares. Joey's lying low, getting ready for his show.
Me? I'm gonna go play some golf. Bringing the boyfriend and some of my best pals along to keep me company, though.
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| Talented little fucker, ain't he? |
[12 Oct 2003|11:18pm] |
So it absolutely killed me not to be able to make it to NY to see Justin last night... was planning to make it, but things here just got crazy, and it didn't happen. But boy, wasn't he something? And of course, I taught him everything he knows about physical comedy!
I'm proud as fuck, I really am.
*calls Justin*
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| Avoidance, thy name is Chris |
[30 Sep 2003|02:07pm] |
So I'm kind of in the doghouse over here.
Being in LA with Ron has really been great. The two of us got a lot of quality time together -- hanging out, surfing, other stuff involving horizontal surfaces and very little clothing. Maybe even a couple of vertical surfaces, if you count shower walls. Good times, though. I love being on tour with him, but there's always been people around. Not on the scale of the gadzillion people *NSYNC carts from city to city, of course, but then again, we also don't have a private tour bus to retreat to.
Ron doesn't even seem to hate LA like he did before, and I wonder if I have Bobbie to thank for that. Not that I'd actually get the chance to thank her, of course, since she seems determined to never have to see or talk to me again. Then again, I'm not really in any position to get on my high horse about avoiding people.
Saturday, Ron seemed really jumpy all day, and I couldn't figure out why. He said it was just nerves for the show, but that didn't make sense to me. When Ron's nervous, he internalizes, gets quiet and withdrawn. Saturday he was acting as twitchy as, well, me.
Figured out why when I took a look to see how the club was filling up, and spotted Lance and JC. Lance kept looking around looking nervous, and JC was just staring down at the table, like he didn't want to be there in the first place. So maybe Ron was more inclined to try something sneaky than I first thought, huh?
And I'm not proud of it, but I cut and ran. Just didn't know how to deal with it. What were we going to do, make polite small talk at each other? That would be worse than not talking. It's not like we were going to be able to get everything settled in a public place. I don't even know if we have anything left to say to each other.
So I took off. First one of Ron's shows that I've missed, all trip. And later... he didn't really say much about it, and he didn't seem angry. But I know he's disappointed in me. And I hate that feeling.
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| On the road |
[25 Sep 2003|12:15pm] |
Touring around with Ron was definitely the best thing I could have done... we could have done. It's been great seeing him get to perform so often -- he really shines when he's on stage. And though we've been surrounded by a somewhat strange group of people, they're all really good guys.
Though sometimes it makes me miss the days when I toured the world with my own group of really good guys. Sometimes.
I talk to Justin pretty regularly... he's regrouping, figuring out what comes next for him solo-wise, working on stuff for our next album. Things at the label are kind of a mess right now what with the business stuff going on over there, so things like schedules and release dates are pretty up in the air. I hear Brit had her album pushed back, and Justin tells me that JC's keeps getting put on hold, too. Justin tries hard to throw as much information as possible about JC into our conversations so I never have to ask. He's a good friend.
Joey's busy with family and showbiz, spending lots of quality time with Bri, and working on a charity production of Grease. Boy loves the stage... I wouldn't be surprised to see him back on Broadway sometime soon. We're good, better than we've been in a long time, I think. That's how friendships get repaired, I guess, once enough time and understanding has passed. It's good to have him back in my life, though he's a lot less subtle than J, and pretty much ends every conversation with, "Now go call JC."
Lance and I talk on and off... there's a pretty big subject we avoid, and that leaves a lot of holes to try and talk around. He doesn't want to get caught in the middle, won't choose sides, but of course, he's already pretty firmly on a side already, and I get that. I'd never try to drive a wedge into his marriage, but it means there's a distance between us that I don't like.
JC and I don't talk. I don't call him, and he hasn't called me. And I guess maybe that's how friendships die.
I know Ron is trying to stay out of the whole mess that is the current *NSYNC group dynamic. He's let me know that if I want to talk about it, he'll listen, but he respects that I don't want to, also. I was a little worried that he'd try to plan some big surprise group get together, and we'd all "coincidentally" end up at the same place together, but that's not really his style.
But we're good. Things are good, and I'm so glad I made this trip with him. Nice to sit back and let someone else be in the spotlight, and bask in the reflected glow. He's so damn talented. And boy do I sound like a schoolgirl with a crush, but... yeah. Things are good.
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| Happy Birthday to Justin's Little Kiwi |
[17 Sep 2003|09:27am] |
I may give you a hard time, man, but at the end of the day, you're family. You make Justin happier than he's ever been, and that makes me happy.
Happy Birthday, Wade. Hope it's a great one.
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| Escape to realms beyond the night |
[03 Sep 2003|08:12pm] |
So I left a message for Ron today... I'm not really sure it made a tremendous amount of sense, mostly I babbled that I missed him and that we needed to get together to talk about things, and that he should call me so that we could get together to talk about things because I missed him. Message probably lasted about four times longer than it needed to, and I don't know if I really said anything I needed to. But when I see him... then I can talk to him. Better in person, anyway.
I just hope he calls me back soon.
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